A Tough Decision

There have been numerous times where I have had to choose between my family and most of the time, my friends. I have always wanted to be able to go out whenever I want, but growing up on Bay Farm has definitely affected me for the worst. Most of the time, my parents have given me the “Do what you want, but I expect you to make the right decision.” What is that? It’s not even a choice for me to make. It's my parents saying I am not allowed to, but they are going to make it seem like I actually have a choice in the matter.

It also affects me when people want me to spend the night. Then I have to tell them that my parents gave me the speech. They know what I am talking about right away and they know that feeling because they have all been there. Guilt tripping is the worst feeling so when my parents do it. I just can’t say no to them.

There has always been one time that sticks out in my mind when my friends were all spending the night at someone’s house about a block away from my dad’s house. He gave me the whole speech and I still said yes after great consideration. He looked so shocked and said he “respected” my decision and was completely ok with it. Throughout the whole night, I didn’t even think about it. That is until I woke up. I had a dream that he didn’t let me go and I was extremely upset. He gave me the speech after a few minutes of fighting, and I choose to go. It seemed so real that when I woke up, I was dreading calling him to let him know I was going to be gone all day probably. He picked up and seemed calm, but too calm for me. I completely forgot that it was all a dream, so I thought he was really mad and just choosing not to show it. It was horrible thinking of what he was going to do when I got back. I couldn’t even enjoy anything.

While I am sure some people have way more difficult decisions to make in their lives every day, I still remember the speech and will always remember it. It’s not like I don’t make hard decisions, it’s just that none of them stick out like this one. All of the other decisions are forgettable.

The speech applies for everything nowadays. Whether it is chores or going somewhere incredibly boring like a distant relative’s house that refuses to have any electronic devices, they bust out the speech. I always role my eyes, and they say that they don’t need my attitude. This of course leads to more arguing and more rolling of the eyes. I hope I am not as annoying to my kids as I think my parents are.

When it comes to the Holocaust, my situation doesn’t even come close to the things that they went through. They were fighting for their lives and they did it every day. I make a “tough” decision every once a month for fun, and they made multiple tough decisions every day for their lives. I can’t imagine what that felt like, or even looked like. When I hear about Hitler, I automatically think that that was a bunch of years ago, like in the 1800’s because of how messed up things were. But no, these things happened less than a hundred years ago. I immediately think “How can something like this happen?” Nobody has had an answer for me, so I am still searching. I guess nobody really knows except for the people closest to Hitler himself and I don’t think they will be talking and sharing their secrets any time soon. So my questions remain unanswered and I remain completely confused about my questions.

All in all, decisions may seem tough to you now, but remember that things could be much harder. I am never going to over think any decision and let my mind calm down. Stress is never a good thing for the body and it can always get more difficult.